Goodbye Monogamy…
Can the traditional relationship as we know it still be saved?
Who has not yet dealt with polyamorie, should explore this exciting topic. As a single person, I thought about how I would like my next partnership. Since traditional relationship concepts always followed the same pattern, I soon knew that a lasting love cannot be exclusively monogamous. Testing individual dating apps, the encounter of many different sexual partners, refined my image. I got closer to the idea of what I really want. It was no longer the feeling of: »I don’t really know what I want, but at least I know what I don’t want«. Today, after a long time of being single, I know exactly what I want and what »this« looks like.
Nowadays you can experience love and tenderness in almost every conceivable combination. I was suddenly confronted with many terms that converted me and received a kind of introduction to an even more open world than I could ever have imagined. Terms like »Sapiosexual«, »Demisexual«, »Heteroflexibel« and »Pansexuell«, I first had to google to really understand this kind of visual food for thought. While sapiosexual lovers concentrate only on the innermost part of a person and perceive intelligence as the most important characteristic of a personality, demisexuals need time to get involved with someone. Sexuality only develops with them after a certain closeness and familiarity. Heteroflexible men and women do not take the sexes very seriously and somehow find both appealing, similar to pansexual people. A pansexual person is able to feel sexual or romantic feelings for individuals of all sexual identities.
After an intensive research, and only small examples at this point, I have thought. I am »heteroflexible«, because in certain moments I feel an exciting desire, that I simply cannot and will not escape some women. That never played a role, so at least I’ve always found myself heterosexual with seductive charms here and there. I do not reflect terms, but my wishes, my ideas and I know that this can only work for me in an open relationship. Trust that your partner reveals all his sexual desires, tries out together and experiments with other genders.
But does that directly mean polyamorous? I would like to have a partner at my side with whom I can walk through thick and thin without sharing him with another person in every day life, apart from sexually and mostly together.
Monogamy versus polygamy:
Everyone knows monogamy and most couples live in this relationship concept. How often do you meet couples who are dissatisfied and long for something else? How often people cheat in such cases and how often do lovers go their separate ways because you can no longer look the other person in the eye. Our traditional value system has trimmed us on how to be together, what is right or wrong, but that does not mean that everyone feels that way. I know from a certain source that there are people who like exactly that and don’t want to explore anything beyond that, but there are still those who live like that and aren’t really made for it. That’s what it’s all about: communicating your own wishes, explaining them, finding out how I ultimately want to live and with whom. If everyone would reflect more and bring the appreciation to the partner one wishes for oneself, wouldn’t everyone be happier?
Aren’t polyamorous relationships much more challenging in the end, but still somehow more direct? Because in my opinion this relationship concept is everything else, but not being incapable of relationships. The couples are very considerate, communicative, want to strengthen their relationship. Simply living stubbornly monogamously and sweeping everything under the rug also means choosing the path of least resistance. Negotiating one’s own ideas, talking openly about wishes, leads to a much deeper relationship, but at the same time makes it more strenuous.
More than sex:
Polyamorous relationships are primarily not about sex, but about love for several people. Not every person needs to have several partners and know each other personally.
Acceptance is an important thought: »Love is not exclusive, because you cannot meet all the needs of others on your own«. Makes sense, but I still can’t really imagine it.
How open are we really? Can’t unlimited sharing be harmful? I have defined my own opinion and see myself somewhere between monogamy and polygamy, but with a high degree of openness. In the end, concepts are only concepts, whether one meets the other on a demisexual level or can identify with the polyamorous relationship pattern alone, whether he prefers to remain strictly monogamous or can’t deal with sexuality at all. Everything is a matter of interpretation, as long as each individual is happy for himself, and knows what happiness really means to him.
“Faithfulness is the effort of a good soul to approach an ideal greater than itself.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe